Everything we do has an impact on our relationships. Sometimes we can be quick to blame our partner for failings in a marriage, when in reality we should be looking at our own behavior. Introspection can be a real marriage saver, if you are able to do so with humility and kindness.
Certain behaviors are manageable, if they occur rarely. It is when these negative habits become a regular part of a relationship that problems begin to occur with more frequency. This article will discuss five behaviors you might be inadvertently responsible for, and how these can impact upon your relationship.
The Five Habits
It is often said that 80% of the things you say should be positive, and 20% should be critical or directive. It can be useful to try to be more aware of the things you say to your partner and see how your ratio matches up to this. Some couples will find that their ratio is the exact opposite.
Being aware of this enables you to work towards changing how you speak to your spouse. You’ll be able to catch yourself before you say something critical, thus lowering the percentage and drawing your and your spouse closer to each other.
You will usually find that one person in a relationship is much better at communicating than the other. This will give them an unfair advantage during any disagreements. The partner with the lower relationship talk skills will struggle to communicate what they are feeling, and will lose a lot of arguments as a result of this. The inability to express yourself well during arguments can lead to a lot of frustration and hurt developing.
The partner will stop trying to communicate, as a result of the fact that they feel they can never win. If this is the case for you and your partner, it can be conducive to take a break from the situation before arguing. This will allow for a more rational discussion, enabling the partner who cannot express themselves well, to form what they want to say, thus communicating more effectively.
When your partner is emotionally distressed and you do not show them empathy or compassion, it can have such a devastating impact upon them. It can be hard to empathize when they are upset about something you don’t care about, but showing compassion tells them that you care about their feelings.
If your partner feels that their emotional needs are not being met in your relationship, they will often go and find the support and empathy elsewhere. The most simple thing you can do if your partner is distressed, is to ask what you can do to help them.
Open communication is the key to a healthy relationship and by admitting that you’re not sure how to help them, but that you’re willing to learn, you are showing that you care and want to support them.
In the same way that overly criticizing can be a problem, ignoring your partner’s important complains can cause issues too. This is specifically referring to meaningful complaints, often ones that are repeated. Ignoring their complaints can lead your partner to feel dismissed and unimportant, like their opinion does not matter.
Relationships are all about give and take and if your partner is trying to voice their concerns, these should be taken seriously. After all, you’d want them to listen to your complaints with compassion and understanding too.
Your partner will only voice their concerns a number of times before giving up and feeling dejected. This is what you need to avoid. When you partner complains about something, turn it into a discussion. Ask them what they would like you to do and come to a compromise.
Social media is becoming far more prominent as a reason for break ups. In this instance, we are looking specifically at partners who are addicted to their phone. This leaves your spouse feeling neglected and over-looked.
Social media can be absolutely amazing, but it can also lead to a lot of unhappiness. If you are glued to your phone at all hours of the day, your partner may feel undervalued. In a marriage your spouse is supposed to be your priority, and by constantly scrolling down your Facebook feed, you are sharing the message that they are not important.
This is another habit where open communication can help. Speak to your partner about their expectations from you and vice versa. Often couples will come up with some kind of system about when they can and cannot use their phones. You’ll be amazed at the strength of your conversation when your phone isn’t within reach!
The habits and behaviors detailed above are common, and will occur in most relationships. The issue is the frequency at which these behaviors occur. When they become habit, you are going to have a serious problem. The best thing you can do is discuss these behaviors with your partner. Talking about these issues can prevent them from becoming far more serious. So, grab a coffee and sit down with your partner. Open communication is the best way for relationships to grow and develop.