A Weekend Couples Therapy Retreat
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Arguments are part and parcel of every marriage. Marriage is for life, so it is inevitable that you will fight every now and again. Nobody is perfect, and flaws become even more apparent once you are married. That being said, you can make your arguments fruitful and productive.

Often a disagreement happens when you or your spouse are struggling to adequately portray your feelings. Keeping things bottled up inside will ultimately cause you to explode, leading to an argument. The more open and honest you and your spouse can be, the less you will fight.

You won’t be left wondering what the other is thinking or feeling, leading to a happier, less volatile relationship.

This article will give you some help for what to do when you are facing an argument. There are some things you can do, words you can say, to turn the disagreement around and make it beneficial for your relationship.

Often arguments occur because we think our opinion is correct, and the spouse’s opinion is wrong.

In an argument we often lose our sense of humility. We believe wholeheartedly that we are in the right, even if that isn’t necessarily the case. At this point it can be helpful to think back to the attributes of love as described in Corinthians 13:4-8.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”

With this in mind, think about what is the most important thing in your argument, getting your way or your marriage? Hopefully, you will choose your marriage. Marriage is a game of give and take and we have to be willing to show humility in order for the marriage to survive and thrive. So, when you are seeing red, stop and think about the wise words in the Bible passage above. This should allow you to see the argument in a different light.

Let’s Start Over – Three little words that will completely transform how you fight with your spouse.

Disagreements happen in all relationships and often we say things without thinking because we are angry and upset. Your frustration gets the better of you and before you know if you’ve dug yourself even deeper into the argument. Take some time to cool off and say these three words to your partner, “Let’s start over.” This allows you and your partner to tackle the disagreement in a safe and productive way, avoiding the need to fight and argue.

These three little words can actually save a marriage. It takes a lot of strength to say them, or to accept them when your partner says them. It shows how much you value your relationship and that you are willing to be humble in order to move on.

These Bible verses can help you to reflect upon how you behave during an argument.

It is often useful to reflect upon how we react during arguments and disagreements. Do we make situations worse? Do we calm them down? Does our behavior need to change? These questions can be great to ask yourself, as often during arguments you are focused on what the other participant has done wrong, rather than being introspective. This can be a great skill to have. Take a look at these bible verses and use them to re-evaluate your own actions and traits. Think about whether your own behavior is something you can work on.

Are you quick to argue?

“It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.” (Proverbs 20:3).

“Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools.” (Ecclesiastes 7:9).

Are you quick to show anger?

“Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.” (Proverbs 12:16).

“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” (Proverbs 29:11).

“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” (Proverbs 25:28).

When you are facing an argument and you’ve said those three little words to your partner, use these wise words before you continue with your conversation. Are you going into the disagreement with honorable intentions? Are you being humble? Are you showing your love? Displaying patience and love for each other, during difficult times, shows just how strong your marriage can be. Sure, you will face the occasional conflict, but you have the tools to work through this in a way that is conducive to your marriage.

In Summary…

All marriages will face challenges and conflicts, that’s just part of life. How you deal with these is up to you. Showing humility, love and patience during the difficult times is a sign of a strong marriage. Use the words, “Let’s start over,” often, and use them well. They are a great tool to have in your arsenal against arguments. I wish to leave you with this Bible passage, hopefully it will allow you to put your marriage into perspective…

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” (Colossians 3:12-14).