It can be hard to forgive the ones you love when they have wronged you in some way. In this article we will cover what forgiveness is, why you should forgive and why it is so hard to trust again.
Most people think that they understand what it means to forgive somebody, but they might be shocked when they realize that forgiving someone does not mean that they have been ‘let off’ for whatever they did, or that they ‘got off Scott-free’. God commands us to forgive, he does not command us to trust those who violated our trust once before.
Why do we find it so hard to forgive others?
When somebody has broken your trust, it can be hard to think about forgiving them and going back to the way things were before. But think about this… nothing has to go back to the way it was before. Once the trust is broken, it is broken, there is nothing you can do to fix that.
You can hope that the trust rebuilds over time, which could happen. But, as soon as the trust is broken, all you can do is work on forgiveness and accept that the relationship has probably changed from that moment on.
How do I forgive someone who hurt me?
When you feel that you are ready to work on forgiveness, remember this doesn’t mean trusting a person again, you need to think about the ways in which you can grant forgiveness and what this means for you and your relationship. Forgiveness comes in many forms; these will now be outlined.
You can, and probably should, hold people accountable for what they have done.
It is not down to you to get revenge on the person who has wronged you. By doing this you are telling God that you do not trust him.
There is a difference between being forgiving and being walked all over. You do not need to tolerate any form of behaviour that makes you uncomfortable.
There is no need to play the martyr, nor is there a need to allow yourself to be the perpetual victim. Just forgive and move on, you will feel so much better for it.
These are two entirely different things. Just because you have forgiven somebody does not mean you have to be best friends.
Forgiveness will not happen overnight. For some people it can take a while to work through their emotions before forgiving someone. But you should forgive as soon as you are able to allow you to move on and be happy.
This can be hard, and it does not mean you should ever trust the person again, but it does mean moving past the issues. If you find yourself forgiving someone over and over again, for the same things, it may be time to re-evaluate their place in your life, as harsh as that might sound.
Acknowledge that this is occurring and stop expecting anything to be different. Some people are just mean.
You will more than likely be hurt many times in your life, and it is how you forgive and move on that will shape you as a person.
Forgive and move on, that is more often than not the best thing to do, despite it being difficult.
Forgiving somebody can often come from a place of pride, which can be negative if you tell a person they are forgiven to give you the upper hand, or to manipulate them.
The refusal to forgive often comes from a place of insecurity and needing to have the upper hand.
In order to forgive somebody, you must make the conscious decision to do so. Emotional healing often comes much more quickly after you have forgiven somebody.
Just because you have forgiven somebody does not mean you need to forget what they have done. On the contrary, remembering what they have done can help to shape your relationship with them in the future.
Do not feel pressured into forgiving before you are ready. It may be better to say, “I’m working on forgiving you.” Alternatively, do not forgive in order to stop feeling pain or to manipulate situations. This can slow down your healing process.
Forgiving somebody who wronged you is often a difficult thing to do. Hopefully this article has shared with you what you can do to help you walk down the path of forgiveness. Remember, you are not doing it to ‘let the other person off’, you are doing it to benefit yourself, those around you and to heal in a healthy way.
You are doing it for the right reasons, and you do not need to justify this to anybody.