Every marriage has its share of give and take, but it can be difficult when one partner in the relationship feels like they are doing all the heavy lifting. It can permanently damage a marriage if the wife is stuck doing the work of two people.
Your partner should be there for you to lean on, especially during the tough times that every marriage will eventually encounter. However, the best marriages are those where both people are sharing an equal amount of responsibility.
The last thing you want is for you to start to resent your husband who should be helping bear the burden. It can be as simple as sharing household chores, or more serious issues like work and finances, but when one person feels like they are the ones handling everything, then something needs to change.
So what should you do if you are dealing with a lazy husband? There are four ways that you can deal with his laziness in a way that won’t ultimately damage the marriage.
Communication is Key
Most adults aren’t just lazy because they want to be. Often, there is something more going on behind the scenes. Your husband might be dealing with something stressful that he just doesn’t want to bring home. It’s up to you to initiate the discussion and try to bring the problem to light.
You have to be honest with your husband here. It is important that you communicate your frustrations as you are trying to get to the root of the issue. Ask about his physical and mental/emotional welfare. A surefire sign of depression is a change in behavior, and increased levels of laziness.
You need to be direct here and ask him about how he is feeling about the state of your marriage. Tread lightly here, as you don’t want to spur an argument. You are just trying to get some information. Each day is a new opportunity to make a positive change.
Encouragement and Support
Most people are aware of their own shortcomings, and nobody likes to have them pointed out on a regular basis. You need to encourage your husband to recapture his love for life. Maybe he used to play music or basketball with friends. You need to encourage these creative outlets to help change his outlook and mindset.
Everyone needs to feel encouragement from their partner. Compliment him on areas where he tends to excel and try to point out the positives. He might just be feeling down about himself and needs to know that he has someone in his corner.
What is Your Motivation?
You need to be honest with yourself here. Is his laziness a new behavior or is it something that has been present for a long time that you are finally starting to notice? If you are not committed to your partner making a positive change, then your efforts are going to fall on deaf ears.
The last thing you want is to get into a power struggle of sorts, where you are just looking to prove a point to them. Nobody wants a relationship where one partner is constantly keeping score, so make sure your motives are genuine. If you love and care about your partner’s well-being then you will want to see them thrive.
Look at Your Own Behaviors
This can be a bit of a tough pill to swallow, but often we can be our partner’s worst critics. If you are constantly on your husband about his laziness, venting your own frustrations towards him, then you might find yourself in a no-win situation.
These feelings are perfectly natural, but it is how we project them out that can put a relationship in limbo. This goes back to the communication as mentioned above. Ultimately, you need to lead by example and push him to be productive through encouragement. Your relationship will be better with that positive mindset and both people working towards a common goal.