Marriage is a big step to take in a relationship. You and your partner agree to form a lifelong partnership. Hopefully, you both love and support one another. But even if you have the best of intentions, you can inadvertently make your partner feel like a failure. It is often not intentional, but can have a dramatic impact on your relationship.
Feeling like a failure is more than just failing one or two times. It is ongoing, and often detrimental to a person’s self-esteem. Many verses refer to supporting your husband in anyway you are able to. Possibly this quote says it the most succinctly:
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
This article will share with you the five key ways you may be making your husband feel like a failure.
You may correct your husband in front of other people.
If you have a bone to pick with your husband, it is usually far kinder to do it in private. Phrase it in a caring and loving way. All couples will disagree about things, but keeping your disagreements between the two of you will prevent your husband from feeling like a failure. Remember, ‘love covers a multitude of sins’, Peter 4:8.
You may not show you are proud of your husband.
If your husband does a lot to support you, whether that is financially or emotionally, it is great to show him that you are proud of him. It doesn’t matter if it is tiny, simple things you are proud of, or huge, significant things, let him know that you are proud. ‘Remember the Lord in all you do, and he will give you success’, Proverbs 3:6.
Comparing your husband to other men could also make him feel like he’s a failure.
This is often a harmless thing to do, frequently meant in good humor. For example, “Look at how James holds the door for Gemma, can’t you be more like that?” Usually with a wink and a nudge. However, be aware that your husband may be taking these comments to heart. Wondering why he isn’t good enough for you. This can be disheartening. Your husband is made in God’s image. Have faith in the Lord’s plan, ‘in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man’, Luke 2:52.
Your husband might feel like you are not satisfied with your family income.
Money is a very common cause for complaint in marriages. However, sometimes you both need to take a step back from material possessions and look at your relationship. Money is not the be all and end all, understandably it is important in the modern world, but there are far more important things out there, like your relationship for starters.
Don’t talk about all the things that you wish you had, appreciate what you have and live in the moment. ‘No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money’, Matthew 6:24.
Reminding your husband of past disappointments is the biggest cause of them feeling like failures.
It is not kind to bring up faults from the past, especially those that have been resolved and moved past. If there are still things that are unresolved, then talk about them in a mature and calm way, do not bring them up in negative ways. ‘Forget what happened in the past, and do not dwell on events from long ago’, Isaiah 43:18.
What can I do if I think I’ve done, or still do, some of these things?
It is a great positive that you are aware that you may have done things to make your husband feel like a failure in the past. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Apologise to your husband and move on. This will help you to be more aware of your actions in the future allowing you to support your husband to feel loved and successful.
Here are some Bible verses to help you think about moving forward and developing your relationship with faith at the heart of it…
A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. Proverbs 12:4
Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Colossians 3:18-19
Be completely humble and gentle; be potential, b earning with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2-3
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Corinthians 13:4-7
Hopefully this article has given you some food for thought. You can take the lessons learnt and move forward in your relationship with your husband, ensuring that you are supportive and loving. Being aware of the things that can make your husband feel like a failure will enable you to avoid making these mistakes in the future.